


How Could You

by Rehtaeh_Elocin



Series: How Could You [1]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Established Castiel/Dean Winchester, Happy Ending, Hurt, M/M, Misunderstandings, talk of divorce
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-24
Updated: 2020-09-24
Packaged: 2021-03-08 04:41:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,770
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26629957
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rehtaeh_Elocin/pseuds/Rehtaeh_Elocin
Summary: Cas comes home early from a work trip and finds something that changes he and Dean's relationship for the worse.
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Series: How Could You [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1946770
Comments: 10
Kudos: 109





	How Could You

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks, as always, to the lovely MeenaMalfoy for reading over and pointing out my mistakes.

Cas sits at the kitchen table staring at the stack of papers in front of him. The words blurred, ink smudged from the tears dripping onto the pages.

Tearing his eyes away from the sheets, he looks around the small rundown one bedroom apartment he calls home. No. This isn't his home, and it will never feel like it is.

He misses his house. Misses the old creaks in the stairs, the rounded archways, the high ceiling in the foyer. He misses the kitchen, the chipped island counter, dancing around and cooking. He misses his garden, the flowers blooming, the bench where he spent so many summer evenings.

He misses... No, he can't go there anymore. It's done. It had to be done. Everything is broken, and there is no coming back from what happened.

Cas' eyes fill with tears again as he bows his head back to the papers, not seeing them.

\-----

_Cas paid the cab driver, grabbed his bag, and headed up the porch steps. God it was good to be home. A week and a half away was far too long, Cas thought as he opened the door to the house. Pulling his suitcase behind him, he shut the door and breathed in, home._

_Dean didn't know Cas was coming home early. He was supposed to be away another couple of days, but he was just done and ready to come home. Ready to see Dean. So he left, wanting to surprise his husband._

_Cas picked his suitcase up and headed upstairs to their room, wanting to shower and change before Dean got home from work._

_Entering their bedroom, he looked around with a fond yet exasperated expression. Clothes were all over the floor, the bed unmade. It didn't surprise him; he was always on Dean about putting his clothes in the hamper._

_Rolling his eyes, he left his suitcase by the door and began collecting clothes, unable to help the small smile from gracing his face. He even missed this. A week and a half really wasn't very long in the grand scheme of things, but it was the longest they'd been apart since they got married five years ago._

_Arms full of clothes, Cas bent to pick up the last pair of pants next to the bed. As he straightened up, something small and bright fell from them. He shifted his load and bent back down with a sigh, hand clasping around the smooth cloth._

_As he stood straight again, his heart stopped. He was grasping red underwear. Bright red women's underwear. His arms went limp, dropping everything back to the floor except the panties._

_He could feel his heart hammering in his chest, a lump starting to rise in his throat, prickling behind his eyes. He stumbled backwards, then dropped the garment to the floor quickly, as if he'd been burned. The back of his legs hit the edge of their bed, and he sunk down._

_Cas couldn't believe it. He didn't understand it. Their sex life was great; it hadn't wavered since their very first time. He knew there were things he could never give Dean, things only a woman could give him, but Dean had always said he didn't care. That Cas was more than enough for him. That he loved Cas more than anything, and nothing would ever change that._

_Choked sobs pulled from his chest as tears streamed down his face. He felt like there was a hole being ripped through him._

_He sat there for a long time, head bent, hands shaking and clasped between his knees. He sat until the tears dried up and the pain was replaced, at least temporarily, by anger. He continued to sit as he heard the front door open and close, and footsteps sounded on the stairs, then down the hallway._

_The bedroom door creaked open. "Cas!" He slowly lifted his head, the joy in Dean's voice, in his face, brought the pain back full force. He watched as Dean's face fell, worry taking the place of happiness. "What's wrong? What happened?"_

_When Dean started to walk towards him, Cas held up a hand, stopping him in his tracks. "Seriously, you're really worrying me. What's wrong?"_

_Cas opened his mouth, closed it when the words wouldn't come. He lifted his hands and shrugged, tears choking him again. He looked up, and took a deep breath, willing the pain down._

_When Dean took a step closer, Cas looked at him, wiping the tears from his eyes. He nodded towards the floor where he'd dropped the clothes._

_It took Dean a moment, but Cas knew as soon as he realized what Cas had found._

_Any shred of hope Cas had left was shattered with the look of panic in Dean's eyes. His face was red, and his mouth was opening and closing._

_Cas pushed down the hurt and let the anger take over. He steeled himself as he stood up. "How could you?" He wanted to sound angry, but it came out choked and broken._

_"Cas" Dean's voice sounded pleading. Cas shook his head, and pushed past Dean, leaving the room. "Wait, Cas! It's not what you think! Please, stop!" Dean's voice followed him down the stairs and out the front door. Cas didn't stop._

\-----

That was three weeks ago. Three painful, torturously slow, lonely weeks. After he'd stayed with his brother a few days (he couldn't stay there long, he knew Dean would come there), he'd found the small apartment. He'd changed his phone number, and cut off contact with anyone except his brother, and even that contact was few and far between.

The pain's too much. A part of him is gone, a very large part of him that he will never get back. He never would've thought his marriage would end this way. Hell, he never thought his marriage would end. He thought they'd been happy. That they'd grow old together, have kids, and grandkids, maybe great-grandkids. Retire, and spend their days working around the house, and their evenings curled up in each others arms, until the end.

The tears continue their way down his cheeks, and he forces himself to swallow around the sobs threatening to come out. He will not let himself break down anymore.

It's over.

Cas reaches over with a shaking hand and picks up his pen. He closes his eyes and takes a deep breath, and when he opens them he presses the pen to the line.

There's a knock on the door before the ink can flow.

Cas sets the pen down and growls to himself. His fucking brother. He's the only one who knows where he's living, and he always has the worst timing.

He makes his way to the door, a scathing remark about minding his own business on the tip of his tongue that gets cut off as soon as the door is open.

Cas' breath catches in his throat. It's been three weeks since he's seen Dean, and even though he looks a mess, clothes rumpled, hair laying flat, bags under his eyes, he is still the most beautiful person Cas has ever seen.

He shakes himself out of his frozen state, and reaches for the door to close it. He can't do this, especially not right now.

As the door begins to shut, Dean's hand reaches out to stop it. "Please Cas, just give me five minutes." He sounds so dejected, so hurt, it takes everything in Cas' power not to let his sympathy overcome him. "Please."

Cas doesn't try to close the door again, but he doesn't step back to let Dean in either. He takes a calming breath before trying to say anything. "How did you find me?" His voice is flat, not letting his emotions into them.

"Gabriel" Dean answers, shifting in the doorway.

Cas shakes his head. Of fucking course it was Gabriel. Who else would it be? Gabriel Can't-Mind-His-Own-Goddamn-Business Novak.

"Why would he tell you?" Cas asks. He really does want to know. Though Gabriel has been butting into this, he's been on Cas' side, respecting his choices even while trying to discuss what's happened.

"Because I told him the truth. And showed him I was telling the truth." Dean answers, shifting again. Cas notices a small bag slung over Dean's shoulder, but doesn't ask about it.

"Okay. Well I'm busy right now." Cas says, reaching for the door again. He's curious, but the pain is still too real. It hurts, the hole in his chest still aches, and seeing Dean is making it so much worse. He just wants to curl up in a ball and cry again.

"Cas" Dean's voice breaks. "Just give me five minutes. After five years of marriage, can't you just give me that?"

That sends a sharp pain through Cas' chest again. "Don't. Don't do that. You're the one who broke this."

Dean looks down and swallows hard before looking back up, staring into Cas' eyes. "I know. You know that Gabriel wouldn't have told me where to find you if I didn't have a good explanation. Please, just let me in for a few minutes so I can explain. Then, if you want me to go, I will and I'll never bother you again."

The pleading in Dean's eyes is too much, and he can't bring himself to say no again. Cas opens the door wider and steps back, letting Dean into his apartment.

Once Dean steps through the door, Cas closes it and walks past him to the kitchen. He grabs two bottles of water from the fridge, and sets them on the kitchen table, taking his seat back. He slides a water across the table, and motions for Dean to sit.

Once Dean is seated, his bag in his lap, he looks around, figiting. He bites his lip, and Cas just wants to snap at him to get on with it, because this is just too much. Dean, here in his space, looking so vulnerable; its killing him.

Dean's gaze slides to the papers in front of Cas, and his eyes widen. "Are those-" he cuts himself off and swallows roughly. "Are those divorce papers?"

Cas' hands cover them protectively. He looks away and nods. When he looks back, Dean's face is heartbroken, tears welling in his eyes.

"Cas, please" Dean's voice is barely a whisper.

"Why did you come here?" Cas asks, making his voice as emotionless as possible, even while his chest hurts so bad he thinks he'll never recover.

Dean reaches up and wipes away an escaped tear. He looks away for a minute, and when his eyes find Cas' again he can see determination in them.

Once Dean's gathered himself, he talks. "I did hide something from you, but it isn't what you think it is." When Cas scoffs, Dean holds up a hand. "Please, just let me get this out."

Cas nods in acquiescence.

"I hid something because it's embarrassing and I'm ashamed of it." Dean says, rubbing his hand over his face. "I wish I would've just told you, but I didn't know this would happen." Dean drops his hands down into his lap, clutching his bag as he looks at the wall. "I like wearing underwear. Women's underwear. It turns me on, and sometimes, when you're not around, I-" Dean sighs. "I touch myself while wearing them." Dean's face is red, blush covering him down to his neck.

Cas doesn't know what to think of this. A small bubble of hope wells in his chest, but he pushes it down. This is just an excuse, an easy explainable cover for what really happened. He can't let himself be fooled into believing a lie, no matter how much he wants to.

"Say something." Dean says, looking at him with supplication in his eyes.

Cas shakes his head and rolls his eyes. "I-" he has no idea what to even say, so he huffs a humorless laugh. "Right. Okay, are you done?"

Dean's face falls again. "You don't believe me."

"We've been married five years, Dean! Together seven. How can I believe that you've been able to hide this that long and you're not just making it up as a cover for what you did?" Cas says, letting his anger take over again.

"I'd say trust me, but I know I fucked that up." Dean says with a self deprecating laugh. He shakes his head and huffs, pulling his bag onto the table. "I can prove it."

Proof? What kind of proof could he possibly have that would make this story legitimate?

Cas watches as Dean pulls a small stack of papers out of the bag, sliding them across the table. Moving the divorce papers to the side, Cas takes ahold of Dean's offering and looks down at them.

It takes him a few moments of confusion before it registers what he's looking at. They're invoices and delivery schedules... for women's underwear. Cas flips through the pages, noting seven or eight of them, all different, all delivered to their house through the last several years.

Hope wells in his chest again, but this time he doesn't push it down. He let's it fill him, grasping onto it, relishing in the first thing he's felt in weeks that isn't pain or anger.

"I, uh-" Dean coughs. Cas looks up at him, and Dean's rubbing the back of his neck, his nervous habit. "I have them with me, if you want to compare them to the invoices." Dean says, motioning to the bag still on the table in front of him. He opens it up, and Cas sees a myriad of colorful cloth nestled in the bottom.

Cas is speechless. He believes him, how could he not with the proof right here. He didn't sleep with someone else. He has a panty fetish, which, if Cas is being honest with himself, is actually quite a turn on. Though he understands why Dean would be embarrassed about it, he wishes he'd have told him.

Dean is staring at him, still blushing, and god does he look so fucking adorable when he's embarrassed.

"Cas?" Dean looks even more nervous now. He should say something. "I am so fucking sorry I hid this from you. I promise I'll tell you everything from now on. Please, just... you have to believe me."

A thought occurs to him. "You showed these to Gabriel?"

Dean looks down at the table, nodding. "I did." When he looks back up, he catches Cas' eyes, and the look there is so intense Cas can't breathe for a moment. "I would do anything to fix this, Cas. You're my everything."

"You didn't cheat on me." Cas says quietly, still amazed at this revelation.

"I didn't, I would never do that. I don't ever want anybody else. I love you so fucking much, you're it for me." Dean says with resolution.

Cas can't take it anymore. He drops the papers and stands up, quickly walking around the table and pulling Dean to his feet.

The second their lips meet, it's like coming home. A warmth rushes through Cas, happiness singing in his veins.

Dean's arms wind around him pulling them flush together. His body tingles where Dean touches him, and all he wants is more. He licks into Dean's mouth, and he opens up to him, deepening the kiss. A whimper escapes Dean's throat, and Cas just grips him tighter, never wanting to let go.

The kiss ends slowly, until they're just lazily pressing their lips together. When Cas finally pulls back enough to see Dean, Dean has a blissed out happy look on his face.

"You believe me." Dean whispers, opening his eyes and staring into Cas'.

Cas nods. "Kind of hard not to." He says, gesturing at the table. "I don't know why you'd keep this from me though. I would never judge you for something you enjoy. I love you."

Dean looks away. "I know, but I was ashamed."

Cas puts his finger on Dean's chin, moving his head back to look at him. "You have nothing to be ashamed of." The vulnerability in Dean's eyes is heart wrenching. "Besides, if you had told me, we could've enjoyed it together."

Cas watches as Dean's pupils dilate, his mouth slightly agape. "What?" He gasps out.

"You heard me." Cas says, pressing their bodies back together so Dean can feel that he's already half hard.

Dean's hand slides behind Cas' head, his fingers carding through his hair. "I love you so much."

"I love you too, Dean." Cas says, before their lips meet again.


End file.
